Of Hopes and Dreams

Every once in a while, I realize:
All that "I'm-over-it"-bullshit I'm trying to tell myself's a lie
And everytime it rips my heart apart a little more than before,
So I deny it, and wave goodbye to you another time.
Though I keep telling myself, that it would be the last time,
I can never, ever, let go of the prudish line that is my memory.
Will there ever be a remedy to my eternal self-consumption?
And though I stopped believing in redemption long ago,
I never bow my head, I never let it take control of me,
I just, I just submerge for a second; inhale your face, your eyes, your hair, your smile.

Ours may be to read the signs
Ours may be the stars to align
But I choose, I chose long ago
My own path as long as I live this life.

Instead of just giving up, instead of giving in to it
I let the beauty of the past wash away the pain of the present,
Just, just for one second; I touch your face, kiss your lips, hold your hand and then
Succumb to the reality again, I fucked it up beyond all hope of amendment
Well, I guess that's just the way it works, this game of hard decisions.
I'd just like you to know, that I'll never let go, I'd never pull back my hand
If you'd need me to help you with whatever it was,
This is no love song, just a promise to never give up.

Ours is, to read the signs
Ours are the stars to align
But I'll turn around and dig a deep hole instead
Just to prove that my decision's not just a phantom in my head.

This may be the last time I wave goodbye to you
Or maybe not, I'll never know if I don't give it another try.

Drenched In Memories

I still remember the father reaching out his hands for me and holding me tight.
The warm safety of a beloved person stuck to my heart and never let me loose.
Even now, years later, I still keep looking back
With a smile in my eyes and a tear on my mind
But I always wondered if he will remember me too when his time runs out.

The place you took me, our little shack in the woods
Surrounded by green, breathing the blooming life around it, tasting the air
As the dusk consumed the day, we used to sit side by side
But as the dusk consumes your final day, I'll be watching you from above
The charming, pale hands of the father grabbed my neck and held me close
And as the charming hands of the pale father will grab your neck, I'll dance in the stars.
I'll dance into heaven, finally...
...forever comatose. The bleak desolation of our former home,
I mark it with ruin. The forest greys as I descend from my ashen throne.
I only hope that you will remember the day you left me scared and betrayed
Upon the ground, bleeding out; amidst the place I once called home
The cold grip of reality, hidden alongside the path of deceit you were walking on,
With me in your arms and on your mind, your entire life.
Forever comatose.

I still remember me reaching out my hands for the father of lies, beckoning his ascension
The warm blood dripping from my body, aspersing the ground of the woods
The forest whispered to me, the night consumed my entreaty for redemption
But as the years cracked the scars, again and again, as I died night by night
All the blood from my heart rinsed my will in the earth.
My undying rage, undescribable grace
I locked my hate up in the earth and I swallowed the key.

Forever comatose.